Be smart about cancer! "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear!"
Thursday, September 27, 2012
How to Really Raise Awareness for Cancer
I'm planning a big post coming up on being cancer-free, the last 6 months, etc. but for now I wanted to share this picture.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Done with Chemo and Radiation!
It's been a long time! I've been busy, and when I do have spare time, I've been trying to get back into the swing of things.
I finished my chemotherapy and my radiation about a month ago. I got my chemo pump off on a Friday and I finished up my radiation on a Monday. Some days it felt like I was never going to finish. When my last radiation treatment was over, my therapists hit the lights, turned on the disco ball and the bubble machine, and played music to congratulate me.
I felt like a super big dork accepting my "You Did It!" certificate, but it was very sweet.
My third round of chemo went much better than my second. I was still sick, yucky, nauseous, exhausted, dizzy, etc. but compared to round 2, I felt great. I'm still working on recovering from my radiation and all of its "fun" side effects, but at my one month checkup my radiologist said my skin looked great. The best part about finishing my cancer treatment was that the Wednesday after I finished I was able to have my girls home with me all day by myself. Since February, I've basically had to have someone either take the girls for the day, or come up and help me with them. In many cases, the girls would go to someone else's house for the day and someone would come up and stay with me. Since Dallas graduated and started working full time, it was even trickier to get everything worked out. I'm so thankful for our family and friends, for everyone who babysat, ran to the pharmacy, took me to my appointments, brought food, offered prayers, and on and on. Everyone is busy. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, "I have absolutely nothing I need to or want to do today. I guess I'll go help Carissa." I know everyone who helped us sacrificed to do so, and I'm very thankful for them.
As much as I appreciate all of the help, I was so excited the first day I was able to take care of the girls all day by myself. It was a wonderful accomplishment. To this day, I still spend a lot of time on the couch, and Dallas is still doing a lot of the laundry and other chores, but I am able to get everyone fed, bathed, dressed, down for naps, etc. I've even gone to the grocery store a couple of times and I've eased back in to making dinner. I didn't realize how much the simple, everyday things meant to me until I couldn't do them. I've discovered just how joyous it can me to take care of simple things for your family.
In two weeks I have my biopsy to make sure my cancer is gone. If that comes back clean, then my cancer is officially in remission! I'll have a biopsy every three months for the next three years, then every four months for a year, then every six months, and you get the idea. I'm a little nervous about my biopsy because if it isn't completely clear, that means major surgery, more chemotherapy, etc. Most likely, my biopsy WILL come back clean, so I really shouldn't think about about the "what ifs" but it still makes me nervous. One of my favorite scriptures has been a big comfort to me when I start worrying too much or stressing myself out. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
I have more I want to post, but my family blog has been seriously neglected the last few weeks, so once I get that updated hopefully I will have time to come back to this blog :)
I finished my chemotherapy and my radiation about a month ago. I got my chemo pump off on a Friday and I finished up my radiation on a Monday. Some days it felt like I was never going to finish. When my last radiation treatment was over, my therapists hit the lights, turned on the disco ball and the bubble machine, and played music to congratulate me.
I felt like a super big dork accepting my "You Did It!" certificate, but it was very sweet.
My third round of chemo went much better than my second. I was still sick, yucky, nauseous, exhausted, dizzy, etc. but compared to round 2, I felt great. I'm still working on recovering from my radiation and all of its "fun" side effects, but at my one month checkup my radiologist said my skin looked great. The best part about finishing my cancer treatment was that the Wednesday after I finished I was able to have my girls home with me all day by myself. Since February, I've basically had to have someone either take the girls for the day, or come up and help me with them. In many cases, the girls would go to someone else's house for the day and someone would come up and stay with me. Since Dallas graduated and started working full time, it was even trickier to get everything worked out. I'm so thankful for our family and friends, for everyone who babysat, ran to the pharmacy, took me to my appointments, brought food, offered prayers, and on and on. Everyone is busy. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, "I have absolutely nothing I need to or want to do today. I guess I'll go help Carissa." I know everyone who helped us sacrificed to do so, and I'm very thankful for them.
As much as I appreciate all of the help, I was so excited the first day I was able to take care of the girls all day by myself. It was a wonderful accomplishment. To this day, I still spend a lot of time on the couch, and Dallas is still doing a lot of the laundry and other chores, but I am able to get everyone fed, bathed, dressed, down for naps, etc. I've even gone to the grocery store a couple of times and I've eased back in to making dinner. I didn't realize how much the simple, everyday things meant to me until I couldn't do them. I've discovered just how joyous it can me to take care of simple things for your family.
In two weeks I have my biopsy to make sure my cancer is gone. If that comes back clean, then my cancer is officially in remission! I'll have a biopsy every three months for the next three years, then every four months for a year, then every six months, and you get the idea. I'm a little nervous about my biopsy because if it isn't completely clear, that means major surgery, more chemotherapy, etc. Most likely, my biopsy WILL come back clean, so I really shouldn't think about about the "what ifs" but it still makes me nervous. One of my favorite scriptures has been a big comfort to me when I start worrying too much or stressing myself out. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
I have more I want to post, but my family blog has been seriously neglected the last few weeks, so once I get that updated hopefully I will have time to come back to this blog :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Farrah Fawcett, Fanny Packs, and Me
Ok so even though having cancer is one of the most un-fun things in the world, there are some funny moments to be had along the way. The type of cancer I have is, in a word: awkward. Basically I had to decide if I was going to be super embarrassed about it all the time, or if I was going to laugh at the incredibly awkward moments that have ensued. Lucky for me, I'm already a pretty awkward person, and I find humor in making people uncomfortable, so it's turned out pretty okay. Anyway, I thought I'd document some of the silly/awkward/funny moments we've had along the way.
- Did you know that I have more in common with Farrah Fawcett than you? It's true. Her and I both suffer from the same rare type of cancer (anal--fun stuff). Sadly, this beautiful lady lost her battle with cancer, but it will certainly give us something to talk about on the other side, right?
- I am the proud owner of 3 tattoos. Be jealous. Ok...they're only the size of a freckle, but still. The radiation center gives their patients small ink tattoos to make it easier to line my body up correctly on the lasers when I receive my radiation. The only time it's okay to get a tattoo and not talk to your bishop :)
- I also own a very stylish fanny pack that my chemo pump hangs out it. Fanny packs are so incredibly trendy that amazon doesn't even sell them. I had to find some obscure backpacking website to order it from. Never in a million years thought I would pay for overnight shipping because I was so excited to get a fanny pack--but I was. It sure beats the ugly black one the doctor's office gave me.
- When I was getting ready for church on Sunday, I wanted to swear when I realized that I have nothing but peach fuzz on my head, but I still had to shave my legs. Oh the irony...
- On the bright side, (this is probably way too much information for most people, so feel free to skip to the next line) thanks to my radiation I am the recipient of the world's most expensive laser hair removal on my bikini line, so that's pretty exciting.
- Every time I go to radiation, meaning five days a week, my nurse asks me how I'm feeling, then she tells me that I'm looking pale. I think I might need to bring in a pre-cancer picture because I think it would explain a lot.
- I told Dallas' family that if any of them could come up with a more awkward type of cancer to get than the one I have, I would give they $20. So far none of them have offered even a suggestion.
- Yesterday I received a prescription from my doctor for a cranium prosthesis. . . Can you think of a more awkward way to say, "wig"?
- I have worn jeans exactly twice in the month of April. Thank you radiation burns for giving me an awesome excuse to wear yoga pants and sweat pants everywhere.
- This is kind of dark humor, but cancer is a common joke at our house. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick or I'm dragging at the grocery store or whatever, Dallas will say, "Quit acting like you have cancer or something...." or when we talk about our plans or whatever he'll say, "Well, my wife just had to go and get cancer, so..." I think a couple of people have thought he's serious.
- So far, my eyebrows and eyelashes have hung in like troopers, which I am so thankful for. My eyebrows are way past due for a good tweezing, but I'm so afraid of ticking off the eyebrow gods that I haven't had the heart to pluck a single spare hair.
- If you ever have a couple of hours to kill, get online and start shopping for wigs and hats for cancer patients. The results are nothings short of hilarious. I was given a pamphlet for a "really nice wig shop in Utah" called "Jean Paree Weegs" (yes, "weegs." Clever, no?)
- A few wigs in the running to grace my head the next few months....
I was very disappointed when I realized "Celine" was discontinued. Thankfully, they have a wide range of other stylish and modern wigs to choose from. My mom said she didn't think I could rock that much bang anyway.
So glamorous
It's worth turning your head to get the full effect of "Sassy".
This is my favorite model. I love her sexy over the shoulder pose.
"The Oprah"
Another disappointment, I can no longer order the wig that would make me look like a dead ringer for Hillary Clinton.
"Summer Fun"
Don't worry, they also have an assortment of men's wigs, including "The Feather", "Ultimate", and "Prince". I'm preferable to "The Feather" because I have secret fantasies of Dallas looking like the "Dos Equis" man.
If any of you and wondering what to get me for my birthday, this ultimate fringe bang attachment is "a perfect compliment when you want to have a hint of hair showing underneath your hat or turban." The pink shower turban is also very in style this season :)
Here's a couple of pictures of my little wig models.
Little Sister was laughing so hard that I couldn't get a good picture of her. She thought wearing a wig was HILARIOUS.
A bonus picture of me being the loch ness monster when I was at the ER a few weeks ago. Oh hair...how I miss you.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Where's Yours Hair Go?
I haven't posted lately, I've been pretty sick. It's been almost three weeks since my last round of chemotherapy and I've been in a word: miserable. I decided I'd rather not fill my blog up with how miserably sick I've been, so I haven't really posted. There's so much complaining and negativity on the internet, and I'd rather my blog be a place of happiness and positive energy, even though life isn't perfect and I have hard days. To make a long story short, I am one of the very few people whose body has a very severe reaction to the type of chemo that is needed to treat my cancer. I'll be getting test results back next week to see if I have an enzyme deficiency that caused me to react so poorly to my chemotherapy. Basically every symptom I could have gotten, I got in full force. I had severe sores all over my body that made it impossible to swallow, so I ended up having to be admitted to the hospital and I got several days of IV fluids. I lost about 15 pounds but I've gained some of that back, so I am definitely on the upswing. According to my oncologist, on a scale of 1 to 10, my chemotherapy hit me at a full 10. As soon as one symptom started to be relieved, another one would start up. We had to take a break from my radiation to allow my burns to heal, but things are finally doing a lot better and I started back on radiation today. Today is the first day in weeks that I have felt "sick" and not "miserable". I know that make me sounds like such a downer, but I am grateful for small blessings.
I do my second and final (!) round of chemo next week and I finish up my radiation as well so I am pretty excited! It will take some time for my body to recover, but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I'm grateful for that. This whole process has been really hard, my body has gone through more than I thought was physically possible, but the hardest part has been not being able to take care of my family the way I want to. Words cannot express how thankful I am for the multitude of angels I have in my life who have taken care of everything and made sure that my family has wanted for nothing. My husband amazes me, he has single handedly taken over everything I did, plus being my full time nurse and therapist and did I mention he graduated with his bachelor's degree last week?!? I am in no position to ever complain about my husband leaving his socks lying around or not changing diapers. If anything it is the other way around! I'm so thankful I have had so many willing hands to take such good care of our girls. They are doing so well considering the circumstances and I'm so grateful I have been able to rest knowing they are being taken care of by such wonderful moms.
About ten days ago, my hair started falling out. I cut it short and was able to get through a few more days, but the constant shedding was driving me crazy. My sister came up and spent a couple of days with me while Dallas had military stuff. She showed me a bunch of youtube videos on scarf tying and brought me extra fabric, so after ordering some scarves online and realizing that my hair was too thin to wear without a hat, I decided to just get it over it. I never in a million years thought I would shave my head! I know this sounds super weird, but it was actually really fun. I took scissors to my head and started cutting it like a five year old hacking away at Barbie hair, then Dallas and I took the clippers to it and buzzed it short. It was awesome, it was like a fresh start. I've been constantly brushing itchy hairs off my shirt, cleaning the drain, and sweeping the floor trying to get rid of all the hair, so just shaving it off and throwing it away felt awesome. I got a bit of a head rush when I saw myself totally bald in the mirror and I had to stick my head between my knees to keep from throwing up, but I got over the initial shock.
I thought losing my hair would be a bigger deal to me. I've been growing it out for the last couple years. I have a whole board on Pinterest full of cute ways to braid my hair, twist it, and style it in beautiful ways. I've loved having it long and I was so excited for Dallas to see my hair in person when he came home from Iraq because I had had short hair as long as we'd known each other. Getting my hair done and fixing it in an attractive way made me feel beautiful and feminine. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I went to the temple and I had a thought. Hair doesn't make me beautiful. Makeup and clothes, while they enhance beauty, they're not what makes me beautiful. I feel the most beautiful when I am rocking my babies to sleep, when I am fixing my family dinner, and when I go on a date with my husband. I feel beautiful when I go to church and take the sacrament. I feel beautiful when I brighten someone's day or serve someone in need. Being a wife and being a mom, being a daughter of God, that's what makes me beautiful. When Dallas finished shaving my head, he looked at me in the mirror. I had no hair, no makeup on, and he looked me in the eye, gave me a kiss, and said, "You are beautiful." And you know what? I believe him.
This morning when we were in the car Big Sister spotted my wig sitting in the backseat (I haven't worn it yet) and was really confused. She said, "What's yours hair doing back here?" I told her it was a wig and it was pretend hair like a hat, but to her that made no sense. "That's Nana's hair?" she kept asking me. (My mom had shoulder length blonde hair, so I guess that kind of made sense.) When we got home, I took off my hat and showed the girls my bald head. "Where's yours hair go Mom?" she asked. I told her that the medicine they gave me to help my cancer made it fall out. She asked me where it went and I said it was in the garbage. She looked at me, really confused, and then it was like a lightbulb went off in her head. "Mom! It's in the car! Yours hair is in the car! Go get it and put it back! Go get it! Why did you take it off?" Needless to say, Dallas and I have had a good laugh about that today. I finally was able to explain to her that my hair was going to grow back, but for now it was gone. After she scolded me for throwing it away and told me to be nice to my head, she asked if her hair was going to fall out. Thankfully, I promised her that it wouldn't. I told her that Dad said I look beautiful and I said, "Sis, do you think I'm beautiful?" She looked at me and gave me a kiss and said, "Yes, you are so bootiful Mom." Baby Sister touched my head, touched her head, then laughed at me like I was the silliest Mom in the world for losing my hair. I don't know what I would do without my sweet little family to get me through the hard days. Eventually I'm going to post some pictures of me in my head scarves (I'm sure I'll have plenty because I'm probably going to be bald ALL SUMMER.) but for now I'm just going to close with one of my favorite Mormon Messages.
"Every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don't sing and bells don't ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result."
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
I know I just have a few people that read this, but those of you that do and are going through your own trials like we all do, I hope you are able to find joy in your life. Things have been hard lately, but my life is filled with so many small joys and blessings. When I ask Heavenly Father for help, He always points them out and shows me how blessed I really am.
I do my second and final (!) round of chemo next week and I finish up my radiation as well so I am pretty excited! It will take some time for my body to recover, but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I'm grateful for that. This whole process has been really hard, my body has gone through more than I thought was physically possible, but the hardest part has been not being able to take care of my family the way I want to. Words cannot express how thankful I am for the multitude of angels I have in my life who have taken care of everything and made sure that my family has wanted for nothing. My husband amazes me, he has single handedly taken over everything I did, plus being my full time nurse and therapist and did I mention he graduated with his bachelor's degree last week?!? I am in no position to ever complain about my husband leaving his socks lying around or not changing diapers. If anything it is the other way around! I'm so thankful I have had so many willing hands to take such good care of our girls. They are doing so well considering the circumstances and I'm so grateful I have been able to rest knowing they are being taken care of by such wonderful moms.
Dallas' graduation.
About ten days ago, my hair started falling out. I cut it short and was able to get through a few more days, but the constant shedding was driving me crazy. My sister came up and spent a couple of days with me while Dallas had military stuff. She showed me a bunch of youtube videos on scarf tying and brought me extra fabric, so after ordering some scarves online and realizing that my hair was too thin to wear without a hat, I decided to just get it over it. I never in a million years thought I would shave my head! I know this sounds super weird, but it was actually really fun. I took scissors to my head and started cutting it like a five year old hacking away at Barbie hair, then Dallas and I took the clippers to it and buzzed it short. It was awesome, it was like a fresh start. I've been constantly brushing itchy hairs off my shirt, cleaning the drain, and sweeping the floor trying to get rid of all the hair, so just shaving it off and throwing it away felt awesome. I got a bit of a head rush when I saw myself totally bald in the mirror and I had to stick my head between my knees to keep from throwing up, but I got over the initial shock.
I thought losing my hair would be a bigger deal to me. I've been growing it out for the last couple years. I have a whole board on Pinterest full of cute ways to braid my hair, twist it, and style it in beautiful ways. I've loved having it long and I was so excited for Dallas to see my hair in person when he came home from Iraq because I had had short hair as long as we'd known each other. Getting my hair done and fixing it in an attractive way made me feel beautiful and feminine. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I went to the temple and I had a thought. Hair doesn't make me beautiful. Makeup and clothes, while they enhance beauty, they're not what makes me beautiful. I feel the most beautiful when I am rocking my babies to sleep, when I am fixing my family dinner, and when I go on a date with my husband. I feel beautiful when I go to church and take the sacrament. I feel beautiful when I brighten someone's day or serve someone in need. Being a wife and being a mom, being a daughter of God, that's what makes me beautiful. When Dallas finished shaving my head, he looked at me in the mirror. I had no hair, no makeup on, and he looked me in the eye, gave me a kiss, and said, "You are beautiful." And you know what? I believe him.
This morning when we were in the car Big Sister spotted my wig sitting in the backseat (I haven't worn it yet) and was really confused. She said, "What's yours hair doing back here?" I told her it was a wig and it was pretend hair like a hat, but to her that made no sense. "That's Nana's hair?" she kept asking me. (My mom had shoulder length blonde hair, so I guess that kind of made sense.) When we got home, I took off my hat and showed the girls my bald head. "Where's yours hair go Mom?" she asked. I told her that the medicine they gave me to help my cancer made it fall out. She asked me where it went and I said it was in the garbage. She looked at me, really confused, and then it was like a lightbulb went off in her head. "Mom! It's in the car! Yours hair is in the car! Go get it and put it back! Go get it! Why did you take it off?" Needless to say, Dallas and I have had a good laugh about that today. I finally was able to explain to her that my hair was going to grow back, but for now it was gone. After she scolded me for throwing it away and told me to be nice to my head, she asked if her hair was going to fall out. Thankfully, I promised her that it wouldn't. I told her that Dad said I look beautiful and I said, "Sis, do you think I'm beautiful?" She looked at me and gave me a kiss and said, "Yes, you are so bootiful Mom." Baby Sister touched my head, touched her head, then laughed at me like I was the silliest Mom in the world for losing my hair. I don't know what I would do without my sweet little family to get me through the hard days. Eventually I'm going to post some pictures of me in my head scarves (I'm sure I'll have plenty because I'm probably going to be bald ALL SUMMER.) but for now I'm just going to close with one of my favorite Mormon Messages.
"Every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don't sing and bells don't ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result."
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
I know I just have a few people that read this, but those of you that do and are going through your own trials like we all do, I hope you are able to find joy in your life. Things have been hard lately, but my life is filled with so many small joys and blessings. When I ask Heavenly Father for help, He always points them out and shows me how blessed I really am.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Master Healer
"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith." 2 Nephi 27:23
I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, have an extraordinary amount of faith. I try very hard, and my faith is strengthened every day, but I have a long ways to go. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that they were having difficulty classifying my cancer and I had a second biopsy taken. The preliminary results came back inconclusive again, so my oncologist, Dallas, and myself decided the best and safest thing to do would be to treat it as if it is the more aggressive form of cancer, which mean six weeks of chemo and radiation, major surgery, six weeks of recovery, and five more months of chemotherapy. It would also mean spending more time apart because Dallas' military duties would call him away before I would be done with treatment. I started chemotherapy and radiation about two weeks ago. Radiation is pain free, but the chemotherapy left me very tired, weak, and nauseous. I received it in a pump that I wore continuously around my waist, so I was constantly receiving small amounts of chemotherapy.
One night, about five days in, I had a really rough evening. I prayed for some relief and some comfort. My husband gave me a beautiful blessing and I went to bed with peace in my heart. The next morning, my oncologist called me. They had sent my biopsy off to a specialist that diagnoses cancers at Harvard University. Apparently he is the best cancer pathologist in the world. He looked at it in a variety of ways and classified my cancer as a very rare subset of skin cancer that develops in the rectal region. He discussed this with several other pathologists and they were all 100% confident that this was the correct diagnosis. The amazing news was this: the success rate for treating this cancer is sky-high, about as good as it gets with cancer. The treatment consists of 6 weeks of chemo and radiation...and nothing else. No surgery, no lengthy chemotherapy. I will do periodic biopsies over the next few years until they are completely confident it isn't coming back. Some people may call it a blessing, but we know that our family was blessed with a miracle. Many of the people who have this type of cancer are never properly diagnosed and end up going though much more rigorous and damaging treatment than is necessary to cure their cancer.
When I got off the phone with my oncologist, I just cried. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't expecting it, and I didn't think it was possible. I went in my bedroom, got down on my knees, and just cried. My heart was so full of gratitude that I felt like it would burst. I know that our prayers were answered because there have been so many people who have petitioned the Lord on our behalf. I know there are many people who have been praying for our family, praying and fasting for a miracle, and I know that He heard those prayers and answered them.
"I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right?
I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, have an extraordinary amount of faith. I try very hard, and my faith is strengthened every day, but I have a long ways to go. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that they were having difficulty classifying my cancer and I had a second biopsy taken. The preliminary results came back inconclusive again, so my oncologist, Dallas, and myself decided the best and safest thing to do would be to treat it as if it is the more aggressive form of cancer, which mean six weeks of chemo and radiation, major surgery, six weeks of recovery, and five more months of chemotherapy. It would also mean spending more time apart because Dallas' military duties would call him away before I would be done with treatment. I started chemotherapy and radiation about two weeks ago. Radiation is pain free, but the chemotherapy left me very tired, weak, and nauseous. I received it in a pump that I wore continuously around my waist, so I was constantly receiving small amounts of chemotherapy.
One night, about five days in, I had a really rough evening. I prayed for some relief and some comfort. My husband gave me a beautiful blessing and I went to bed with peace in my heart. The next morning, my oncologist called me. They had sent my biopsy off to a specialist that diagnoses cancers at Harvard University. Apparently he is the best cancer pathologist in the world. He looked at it in a variety of ways and classified my cancer as a very rare subset of skin cancer that develops in the rectal region. He discussed this with several other pathologists and they were all 100% confident that this was the correct diagnosis. The amazing news was this: the success rate for treating this cancer is sky-high, about as good as it gets with cancer. The treatment consists of 6 weeks of chemo and radiation...and nothing else. No surgery, no lengthy chemotherapy. I will do periodic biopsies over the next few years until they are completely confident it isn't coming back. Some people may call it a blessing, but we know that our family was blessed with a miracle. Many of the people who have this type of cancer are never properly diagnosed and end up going though much more rigorous and damaging treatment than is necessary to cure their cancer.
When I got off the phone with my oncologist, I just cried. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't expecting it, and I didn't think it was possible. I went in my bedroom, got down on my knees, and just cried. My heart was so full of gratitude that I felt like it would burst. I know that our prayers were answered because there have been so many people who have petitioned the Lord on our behalf. I know there are many people who have been praying for our family, praying and fasting for a miracle, and I know that He heard those prayers and answered them.
"I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right?
Little children, young people, and adults alike, please believe how very much your loving Heavenly Father wants to bless you. But because He will not infringe upon our agency, we must ask for His help. This is generally done through prayer. Prayer is one of the most precious gifts of God to man." Elder J. Devn Cornish
I am eternally grateful for the precious gift of prayer, and I am so grateful for the many people who have prayed and continue to pray for our little family. On Monday I started my second round of chemotherapy. I received a very intense type of chemo in my IV at the office, and I went home with an IV bag of a second type of chemotherapy that I finished up with today. I'm grateful that I have felt better than I was expecting, but let's just say that this week has tested my patience. The last few weeks have been very, very painful. I have experienced pain before, but I had never experienced pain that lasted what has seemed like an eternity. The continual, constant pain has brought me to my knees on more than one occasion, wondering if there would ever be any relief. I listened to a beautiful conference talk last night titled "The Atonement Covers All Pain."
"Sometimes in the depth of pain, we are tempted to ask, 'Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there?' I testify the answer is yes, there is a physician. The Atonement of Jesus Christ covers all these conditions and purposes of mortality." Elder Kent F. Richards.
I can testify, through personal experience, that there is no pain too deep and no heart too broken for Jesus Christ to heal.
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witness for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do comfort my people in their afflictions.
And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." Mosiah 24:14-15 (emphasis added)
“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." Elder Orson F. Whitney
I'm far from perfect. I whine and complain; I can be demanding and selfish. I have no idea how I would get through this trial without my wonderful husband and the countless other people who treat me better than I deserve. I don't know why I have been so blessed, but I do know of a surety that the Lord comforts His people in their afflictions. Every time I have felt like I am at the end of my rope, if I reach out my hand, He takes it. Not sometimes, not usually; every time. I have been held up and sustained by the faith of others, those who have allowed themselves to be tools in the hands of the Master Healer. I know that our Father in Heaven loves us so much, and wants us to become who we truly are--sons and daughters of God. I'm thankful that He loves me enough to try me, and I'm thankful that He loves me enough to provide me with relief through our Savior Jesus Christ. I have felt His healing balm in my life and I know He will heal all those who come to Him with humble hearts. I add my testimony to Elder Richards:
"Our great personal challenge in mortality is to become 'a saint through the atonement of Christ.' The pain you and I experience may be where this process is most measured. In extremity, we can become as children in our hearts, humble ourselves, and 'pray and work and wait' patiently for the healing of our bodies and our souls. As Job, after being refined through our trials, we 'shall come forth as gold.'
I bear testimony that He is our Redeemer, our Friend, our Advocate, the Great Physician, the Great Healer. In Him we can find peace and solace in and from our pain and our sins if we will but come unto Him with humble hearts. His 'grace is sufficient.' In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
How could the Father tell the world of love and tenderness?
He sent his Son, a newborn babe, with peace and holiness.
How could the Father show the world the pathway we should go?
He sent his Son to walk with men on earth that we may know.
How could the Father tell the world of sacrifice, of death?
He sent his Son to die for us and rise with living breath.
What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say?
Have faith, have hope, live like his Son. Help others on their way.
What does he ask?
Live like his Son.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
What to do when Mommy's Sick?
When I was first diagnosed, Dallas and I decided we wanted to keep our family life as normal as possible. We've had to do some shuffling to make things work when I'm not feeling well, but things are going really well. I was inspired by this post from a friend's blog about what was helpful to them when their little girl passed away. Although our situation isn't nearly as heartbreaking or hard as theirs, we have needed and received some heaven sent support. I wanted to share some of the thoughtful things people have done for our family while we've been struggling that will hopefully inspire those of you who see a family in need and wish you knew what you could do to help. I've heard before that Heavenly Father often answers our prayers through other people, and I have definitely seen that in my own life. "Sometimes the Lord answers our prayers through other people. A good friend, a husband or wife, a parent or other family member, a Church leader, a missionary—any of these individuals may be inspired to perform acts that will answer our prayers. " (lds.org) Thank you to the many, many people that have allowed yourselves to be tools in God's hands to bless my family.
One of my biggest priorities during this whole process is to feel like I am being a good mom and wife, even on the days that I have felt really sick. It's wonderful to have people help you, but it's even better when people help you help yourself. Dallas got me an upright freezer as a late Valentine's Day gift and it has been AMAZING. You know you are a mom when you lose sleep the night before your freezer is delivered because you're so excited.
Dallas' mom helped me make homemade jam, and on the days I've felt up to cooking, I've made double so I could freeze some familiar recipes for days when I didn't feel up to it.
I'm not saying this to solicit freezer meals, because my freezer is chuck full, but freezer meals are a very thoughtful way to help a family in need. There is a group of (wonderful) ladies in my ward who do a freezer meal swap. They each made an extra meal this month for our family; I am amazed by how thoughtful some people are. It's nice to have meals available for days that you don't feel well, as well as the days that doctor appointments run long, or even days that you are feeling well and you want to spend time doing something fun instead of cooking. Pinterest is a great place to find freezer meal recipes. Here's a few.
Another thing I decided to do is streamline my chores so that it is easier for me to keep my house clean and have others help when I need it. I based my chart off of one I saw on Pinterest. Seriously, I don't know why everyone talks about Pinterest being such a time waster because it has saved me SO much time.
I streamlined my menu ideas. (P) means the recipe can be found on Pinterst, (A) means Allrecipes.com
I found this ready-made grocery list at Walmart. You just check the items that you need and take it to the store when you're ready to go (or if you need to send your husband).
I also have a babysitter list on my fridge. My oncologist is here in town and my radiologist is about 30 minutes away. We decided that when we have appointments in town we will try and keep the girls in town and when we go to appointments elsewhere, we'll leave them with the tons of family members that live along the way. I have two lists of babysitters and their phone numbers; those who live in our town or are willing to come to our house, and those who live out of town. That way if something comes up on short notice, we have names and numbers available for anyone who needs to use them. I also have a big family calendar with everything on it for referencing.
One of the best gifts I've been given is a kit of fun things for our girls to do when I am not feeling well. It's important for kids to get up and play, go outside, run around, and make messes. But if it's the difference between watching movies all day or doing learning activities and cognitive development games, I'll take the second option.
I'm going to walk you through all the items in my "Sick Kit". Most of the items were given to me, a few of them I added myself. Keep in mind that this is made for my two toddler girls (18 months and 2 1/2) but it could easily be adapted for other ages and for little boys.
A Sick Kit is a great gift for families in need or to compile for yourself. A few ideas of situations where this could come in handy:
- A pregnant mommy on bedrest.
- When a little one is sick, has surgery, or breaks a bone.
- A mom who is having a rough pregnancy, just had a baby, or to use while breastfeeding.
- For those super fun weeks when the whole family has the flu.
- Quiet time activities for little kids who have outgrown the afternoon nap.
- Portions of it can be taken with you for plane rides, waiting rooms, etc.
If you think of anymore situations where this might come in handy, leave me a comment and let me know.
Baby Sister is so proud she did this file folder all by herself! She only had one of them in the wrong spot!
Big Sister being shy. (I only let my kids wear those dorky dresses at home--I promise!)
Big Sister was given this puzzle for her birthday by her Grandma. Lucky for me it's the perfect quiet activity! There are pictures you can swap out and you plug the colored puzzle pieces into the holes. You can find it here.
Dollar store puzzles. Eventually I'm going to put magnets on the back of the puzzle pieces so they can be done on cookie sheets, making it easier to keep track of the pieces.
Got the idea here.
This is one of the few items I added to the kit. Pipe cleaners and colorful beads make the perfect busy activity for toddlers. Each baggy has a pipe cleaner of each color and a handful of beads. We take these to church every week and it keeps our kids entertained for a long time. Our two year old likes to make pretend bracelets and necklaces, but it's also easy enough for our 18 month old. There's tons of other activities you can do to use the 100 pipe cleaners you paid $2 for at Walmart, like having kids wrap them around pencils, through colanders like a puzzle, helping them make animal shapes, words, glasses, etc. Once again, Pinterest is a great place for more ideas. I just typed "pipe cleaner" into the search box and tons of ideas popped up.
Dry erase letters. My sister found the link to the printable handwriting sheets on Pinterest :) and laminated them. The two laminate books were found at the dollar store.
Printable worksheets here.
Printable handwriting sheets (like the one above) here.
Coloring books and crayons.
Sorry, the picture is sideways. I grabbed some of our more "involved" books that have activities and puzzle pieces inside them--those books that need to be overseen by a parent anyway. Now we only read them during special times.
A floor puzzle
These wooden puzzles all fit in the wooden box you can see in the main picture.
Sister's completed fish project.
Isn't this seriously the coolest idea? All you need are two identical paint sample chips. Glue a strip of each onto clothes pins and you have a color matching puzzle. Best of all, you don't have to worry about laminating because the paint chips are on sturdy card stock.
Similar ideas for busy bags here.
Flash cards
Here's some printable flash cards. Or you can just pay $3 at Walgreen's like I did.
These are flash card puzzle pieces. A good intro to puzzles for young toddlers.
I forgot to include my eye spy kit in the pictures, but we have one of those too!
File Folder Games! File folder games are easy to find online and on Pinterest. (How many times have I said Pinterest in this post?) My mom and sisters (the lovely ladies that put all this fun stuff together) decided to skip a step and printed everything off on a colored printer so they didn't have to color. They put all of them in a pink accordion file folder (you can see it in the main picture). If you are thinking about making file folder games, make some for the age your child is now and for when they get older. They're going to outgrow the folders eventually and if you're like me, making file folders is a once a decade activity.
What sick kit is complete without a doctor's kit to help mommy feel better? I found this on Black Friday for $8
(The links go to their respective Pinterest pages on kid's activities that have even more great ideas)
And for good measure, here's my Pinterest page.
I hope no one I know ever has to hear their daughter say in their nighttime prayers, "Please bless Mommy's cancer get better," but I hope one day I'll be able to pass this on to help someone else as much as it has helped us.
Here's an article on 40 ways to entertain kids while lying down and how to entertain kids when you are too tired to play.
Cancer Update: If you read this whole post just because you wanted an update, I'm really sorry because I have no new news. I had my second biopsy on Thursday and now I'm just waiting for that to come back so I can start my chemotherapy and radiation. I don't think there's been anyone who's ever been as excited to start cancer treatment :)
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