Farrah Fawcett, Fanny Packs, and Me

Ok so even though having cancer is one of the most un-fun things in the world, there are some funny moments to be had along the way. The type of cancer I have is, in a word: awkward. Basically I had to decide if I was going to be super embarrassed about it all the time, or if I was going to laugh at the incredibly awkward moments that have ensued. Lucky for me, I'm already a pretty awkward person, and I find humor in making people uncomfortable, so it's turned out pretty okay. Anyway, I thought I'd document some of the silly/awkward/funny moments we've had along the way.

• Did you know that I have more in common with Farrah Fawcett than you? It's true. Her and I both suffer from the same rare type of cancer (anal--fun stuff). Sadly, this beautiful lady lost her battle with cancer, but it will certainly give us something to talk about on the other side, right?
• I am the proud owner of 3 tattoos. Be jealous. Ok...they're only the size of a freckle, but still. The radiation center gives their patients small ink tattoos to make it easier to line my body up correctly on the lasers when I receive my radiation. The only time it's okay to get a tattoo and not talk to your bishop :)
• I also own a very stylish fanny pack that my chemo pump hangs out it. Fanny packs are so incredibly trendy that amazon doesn't even sell them. I had to find some obscure backpacking website to order it from. Never in a million years thought I would pay for overnight shipping because I was so excited to get a fanny pack--but I was. It sure beats the ugly black one the doctor's office gave me. 
• When I was getting ready for church on Sunday, I wanted to swear when I realized that I have nothing but peach fuzz on my head, but I still had to shave my legs. Oh the irony...
• On the bright side, (this is probably way too much information for most people, so feel free to skip to the next line) thanks to my radiation I am the recipient of the world's most expensive laser hair removal on my bikini line, so that's pretty exciting. 
• Every time I go to radiation, meaning five days a week, my nurse asks me how I'm feeling, then she tells me that I'm looking pale. I think I might need to bring in a pre-cancer picture because I think it would explain a lot. 
• I told Dallas' family that if any of them could come up with a more awkward type of cancer to get than the one I have, I would give they $20. So far none of them have offered even a suggestion.
• Yesterday I received a prescription from my doctor for a cranium prosthesis. . . Can you think of a more awkward way to say, "wig"?
• I have worn jeans exactly twice in the month of April. Thank you radiation burns for giving me an awesome excuse to wear yoga pants and sweat pants everywhere. 
• This is kind of dark humor, but cancer is a common joke at our house. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick or I'm dragging at the grocery store or whatever, Dallas will say, "Quit acting like you have cancer or something...." or when we talk about our plans or whatever he'll say, "Well, my wife just had to go and get cancer, so..." I think a couple of people have thought he's serious. 
• So far, my eyebrows and eyelashes have hung in like troopers, which I am so thankful for. My eyebrows are way past due for a good tweezing, but I'm so afraid of ticking off the eyebrow gods that I haven't had the heart to pluck a single spare hair.
• If you ever have a couple of hours to kill, get online and start shopping for wigs and hats for cancer patients. The results are nothings short of hilarious. I was given a pamphlet for a "really nice wig shop in Utah" called "Jean Paree Weegs" (yes, "weegs." Clever, no?) 
• A few wigs in the running to grace my head the next few months....

I was very disappointed when I realized "Celine" was discontinued. Thankfully, they have a wide range of other stylish and modern wigs to choose from. My mom said she didn't think I could rock that much bang anyway.

So glamorous

It's worth turning your head to get the full effect of "Sassy".

This is my favorite model. I love her sexy over the shoulder pose.

"The Oprah"

Another disappointment, I can no longer order the wig that would make me look like a dead ringer for Hillary Clinton.

"Summer Fun"

Don't worry, they also have an assortment of men's wigs, including "The Feather", "Ultimate", and "Prince". I'm preferable to "The Feather" because I have secret fantasies of Dallas looking like the "Dos Equis" man.

If any of you and wondering what to get me for my birthday, this ultimate fringe bang attachment is "a perfect compliment when you want to have a hint of hair showing underneath your hat or turban." The pink shower turban is also very in style this season :) 

Here's a couple of pictures of my little wig models.

Little Sister was laughing so hard that I couldn't get a good picture of her. She thought wearing a wig was HILARIOUS.

A bonus picture of me being the loch ness monster when I was at the ER a few weeks ago. Oh hair...how I miss you.