I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, have an extraordinary amount of faith. I try very hard, and my faith is strengthened every day, but I have a long ways to go. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that they were having difficulty classifying my cancer and I had a second biopsy taken. The preliminary results came back inconclusive again, so my oncologist, Dallas, and myself decided the best and safest thing to do would be to treat it as if it is the more aggressive form of cancer, which mean six weeks of chemo and radiation, major surgery, six weeks of recovery, and five more months of chemotherapy. It would also mean spending more time apart because Dallas' military duties would call him away before I would be done with treatment. I started chemotherapy and radiation about two weeks ago. Radiation is pain free, but the chemotherapy left me very tired, weak, and nauseous. I received it in a pump that I wore continuously around my waist, so I was constantly receiving small amounts of chemotherapy.
One night, about five days in, I had a really rough evening. I prayed for some relief and some comfort. My husband gave me a beautiful blessing and I went to bed with peace in my heart. The next morning, my oncologist called me. They had sent my biopsy off to a specialist that diagnoses cancers at Harvard University. Apparently he is the best cancer pathologist in the world. He looked at it in a variety of ways and classified my cancer as a very rare subset of skin cancer that develops in the rectal region. He discussed this with several other pathologists and they were all 100% confident that this was the correct diagnosis. The amazing news was this: the success rate for treating this cancer is sky-high, about as good as it gets with cancer. The treatment consists of 6 weeks of chemo and radiation...and nothing else. No surgery, no lengthy chemotherapy. I will do periodic biopsies over the next few years until they are completely confident it isn't coming back. Some people may call it a blessing, but we know that our family was blessed with a miracle. Many of the people who have this type of cancer are never properly diagnosed and end up going though much more rigorous and damaging treatment than is necessary to cure their cancer.
When I got off the phone with my oncologist, I just cried. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't expecting it, and I didn't think it was possible. I went in my bedroom, got down on my knees, and just cried. My heart was so full of gratitude that I felt like it would burst. I know that our prayers were answered because there have been so many people who have petitioned the Lord on our behalf. I know there are many people who have been praying for our family, praying and fasting for a miracle, and I know that He heard those prayers and answered them.
"I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right?
Little children, young people, and adults alike, please believe how very much your loving Heavenly Father wants to bless you. But because He will not infringe upon our agency, we must ask for His help. This is generally done through prayer. Prayer is one of the most precious gifts of God to man." Elder J. Devn Cornish
I am eternally grateful for the precious gift of prayer, and I am so grateful for the many people who have prayed and continue to pray for our little family. On Monday I started my second round of chemotherapy. I received a very intense type of chemo in my IV at the office, and I went home with an IV bag of a second type of chemotherapy that I finished up with today. I'm grateful that I have felt better than I was expecting, but let's just say that this week has tested my patience. The last few weeks have been very, very painful. I have experienced pain before, but I had never experienced pain that lasted what has seemed like an eternity. The continual, constant pain has brought me to my knees on more than one occasion, wondering if there would ever be any relief. I listened to a beautiful conference talk last night titled "The Atonement Covers All Pain."
"Sometimes in the depth of pain, we are tempted to ask, 'Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there?' I testify the answer is yes, there is a physician. The Atonement of Jesus Christ covers all these conditions and purposes of mortality." Elder Kent F. Richards.
I can testify, through personal experience, that there is no pain too deep and no heart too broken for Jesus Christ to heal.
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witness for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do comfort my people in their afflictions.
And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." Mosiah 24:14-15 (emphasis added)
“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." Elder Orson F. Whitney
I'm far from perfect. I whine and complain; I can be demanding and selfish. I have no idea how I would get through this trial without my wonderful husband and the countless other people who treat me better than I deserve. I don't know why I have been so blessed, but I do know of a surety that the Lord comforts His people in their afflictions. Every time I have felt like I am at the end of my rope, if I reach out my hand, He takes it. Not sometimes, not usually; every time. I have been held up and sustained by the faith of others, those who have allowed themselves to be tools in the hands of the Master Healer. I know that our Father in Heaven loves us so much, and wants us to become who we truly are--sons and daughters of God. I'm thankful that He loves me enough to try me, and I'm thankful that He loves me enough to provide me with relief through our Savior Jesus Christ. I have felt His healing balm in my life and I know He will heal all those who come to Him with humble hearts. I add my testimony to Elder Richards:
"Our great personal challenge in mortality is to become 'a saint through the atonement of Christ.' The pain you and I experience may be where this process is most measured. In extremity, we can become as children in our hearts, humble ourselves, and 'pray and work and wait' patiently for the healing of our bodies and our souls. As Job, after being refined through our trials, we 'shall come forth as gold.'
I bear testimony that He is our Redeemer, our Friend, our Advocate, the Great Physician, the Great Healer. In Him we can find peace and solace in and from our pain and our sins if we will but come unto Him with humble hearts. His 'grace is sufficient.' In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
How could the Father tell the world of love and tenderness?
He sent his Son, a newborn babe, with peace and holiness.
How could the Father show the world the pathway we should go?
He sent his Son to walk with men on earth that we may know.
How could the Father tell the world of sacrifice, of death?
He sent his Son to die for us and rise with living breath.
What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say?
Have faith, have hope, live like his Son. Help others on their way.
What does he ask?
Live like his Son.
So grateful for our Heavenly Father. He really does hear and answer our prayers. You are amazing Carissa!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Love you!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! What an amazing miracle! Thank you for sharing your wonderful and inspiring testimony! ♥
ReplyDelete